Category: Writing

Here’s How To Open A Loop…

What’s the simplest way to force a reader to read on? Open a loop.

For example. Which of these sentences opens a loop?

1. “Officers save man from burning car”

2. “Officers battled to save man from burning car”

In the first sentence, the action is all over (man saved). In the second, we want to know if the officers won the battle. It’s written in the past tense, so we know there’s more to come (and there’s also a strong implication the man didn’t survive – but we don’t know, and that’s the point of a loop, it leaves us hanging on).

We might have written:

3. “Officers battle to save man from burning car”.

But that fails too. It’s a statement. It’s written in the present tense.

We already know we’re not going to get an answer – at least not right now. Game over.

Here’s another: “Freddie Smith, a homeless man from Oxford who lost his entire family in a tragic car accident, hit the jackpot yesterday.”. Now we’re rocking. What jackpot did he hit?

Was it the lottery? And what happened in that car accident?

Or we could have written: “Freddie Smith, a homeless man from Oxford who lost his entire family in a tragic car accident, won the lottery yesterday.”. Great. He won the lottery.

Game over. And because we ended on the lottery, we might well have forgotten all about the car accident.

Words are subtle. Slight changes will keep us hanging on, or leaving in droves.

This is very different from A/B split-testing. With loops we know if we’ve opened one. With split-testing we haven’t got a clue until the readers vote with their wallets.

And just to hammer that home, changing the colour of a button on a shopping cart may affect the conversion rate. But changing the tense of a sentence with intent WILL change the conversion rate.

November 10, 2018

Ever Wondered Why Some Writing Sucks?

Why Some Writing Works, And Some Just Sucks

Good writing follows a system. Mediocre writing does not.

When you understand the system, your words land and your message sticks. When you do not, you are left wondering why your writing falls flat.

The Simple System Behind Clear Writing

At the core sits a fundamental pattern, Noun followed by Verb. Think, He said. Jim raged. Jane shone.

These examples may sound a little Janet and John Kindergarten, yet they work in any context and for any audience. Start simple, then build complexity on purpose.

Only when you master good writing, can you confidently master great writing.

Why Noun + Verb Works Every Time

Clarity – readers instantly know who did what.
Momentum – verbs drive action, which keeps attention.
Confidence – simple sentences sound sure of themselves.
Versatility – the pattern works in fiction, marketing, and technical docs.

What Bad Writing Often Looks Like

Passive voice: The report was written by the team.
Noun stacks: The customer experience optimization framework process.
Weasel words: some, various, several, robust, world class.
Overlong sentences: Three ideas stuffed into one breathless line.

Quick Fixes You Can Apply Today

Start with a clear subject (name who acts).
Use strong specific verbs (and avoid is, are, has, does when possible).
Prefer active voice: The server processed the data (not ‘the data was processed by the server’).
Limit one main idea per sentence (keep clauses under control).
Read aloud (if you find yourself gasping for air, the sentence is probably too long).

Before And After, See The Difference

Flabby Sentence	Simple Noun + Verb Rewrite	Why It Works
There was a feeling of anger in Jim.	Jim raged.	Noun and verb, no filler, emotion shown, not told.
The data is being processed by the server.	The server processes the data.	Active voice, faster and clearer.
Our solution facilitates the optimization of workflows.	Our tool cuts your workload by 30 percent.	Concrete verb and number, benefit first.
There are several considerations that must be taken into account.	Consider three things.	Direct subject and verb, fewer empty words.
An announcement will be made regarding the price change.	We will announce the price change.	Names the actor, short and honest.

How This Scales Across Genres

Marketing

Weak: Our platform enables synergy across stakeholders.
Strong: Our platform connects your team in one place.

Technical Writing

Weak: Errors are thrown by the API when limits are exceeded.
Strong: The API returns an error when you exceed the limit.

Fiction

Weak: There was a sense that the night was cold.
Strong: The night bit hard.

When You Can Bend Or Break The Rule

Passive for emphasis: The patient was misdiagnosed, the focus is on the victim.
Rhythm and variety, mix short and medium sentences for flow.
Dialog and voice, let characters speak as they would, clarity still matters.

Break the rule, but do it on purpose. Know what you lose and what you gain.

Mini Case Studies

1. Landing Page Headline

Before: A comprehensive solution for the management of invoices.
After: Save five hours a week on invoices.
Result: Higher click through, clearer promise, stronger verb.

2. Support Email

Before: Your request has been received and will be processed within 48 hours.
After: We got your request, we will reply within 48 hours.
Result: Warmer tone, named actor, fewer words.

3. Story Opening

Before: It was a day that seemed to contain a quality of foreboding.
After: Clouds gathered. Birds hid.
Result: Scene moves, images act, tension rises.

More Simple Rules That Lift Your Writing

Cut throat clearing – Delete phrases like In my opinion and It is important to note.
Prefer concrete words – Use rain, not precipitation event, use buy, not procure.
Use numbers – Replace ‘many’ with 12, specific beats fuzzy.
Front load meaning – Put the point in the first clause, support it after.
Keep paragraphs short – Three to four sentences help readers keep pace.

A 5 Minute Daily Drill

Pick a paragraph you wrote yesterday.
Underline every verb, circle every subject.
Change passive to active where it serves the reader.
Swap weak verbs, like is or has, for stronger ones.
Cut 20 percent of the words, read aloud, and call it done.

Recap

Good writing follows a system, start with Noun and Verb.
Use active voice and concrete words.
Break rules only when you know why.

Keep Learning

You can find more rules in the Science of Copywriting Facebook group.

November 6, 2018